The Body Has a Vote

The Missing Piece of Presence.

Presence is one of those ideas that sounds simple until you actually try to practice it.

We spend so much time trying to improve our minds that we sometimes forget minds are inseparable from the bodies experiencing the world. Presence isn't something I finally achieved by thinking differently. It began when I learned to stop treating my body as an obstacle and started recognizing it as an essential part of the experience itself.

A recurring theme in The Weight of Light series is the significance of presence. The main characters in this story each recognize the need to appreciate “presence,” but how they arrive at this realization (as well as how they achieve it) is a very different path for each of them. Much like it is for all of us.

I believe that presence is about how available and open we are to experience life.

Oftentimes, those of us on a path to self-discovery focus hard on our mental, psychological, and spiritual state. And these things are important, of course. But there is a missing piece to this (one that, personally, took me a long time to fully learn.)

That missing piece has to do with the duality of our being. We are here in physical bodies. And while our physical bodies are magnificent, beautiful vessels, they can also present challenges—even when we're living intentionally.

There is a passage in Book 2 of the series where Jon tells Via, “I think we’re all here as spiritual beings…to have a physical experience. And what that looks like is different for everyone. But we play the cards we’re dealt. That’s the whole point.”

Jon is speaking from the perspective of someone who is dealing with a serious health condition. One where his body physically requires him to remain calm and present.

Via, on the other hand, is also struggling with the mastery of presence. As a neurodivergent with anxiety, she has a natural tendency to over-analyze and attempt to intellectualize what she’s feeling.

What they each share in common is the need to closely connect with their physical bodies, because only then can they be in a space where their higher selves can truly thrive.

This is where grounding comes in.

Grounding matters because it brings our awareness back to the place where life is actually happening—our bodies. Yet even in good health, modern life constantly pulls us away from that awareness. We live in a fast-paced, overstimulated society and to be fair—many of us struggle to exist in this environment.

As a highly-sensitive neurodivergent myself, I’ve always found it a challenge to simply be “okay” in my body. My senses can get easily overwhelmed. I get anxious. I spent almost two decades of my life understanding the importance of meditation “in theory”, and yet never actually experienced what I would call a “successful” meditation session, despite doing all the things, reading all the books, and listening to every guru insist it was the key to a better and more fulfilled life.

Bullshit.

That was what I concluded.

It was bullshit, and it simply didn’t work for people like me. Scratch that, even. It didn’t work for me. There must be something wrong with me. Right?

Wrong.

But I didn’t fully understand that then.

The missing piece.

When our nervous system is stuck in a state of chronic stress, genuine presence becomes much harder to access. The sympathetic nervous system naturally prioritizes vigilance over calm awareness.

We need to engage our parasympathetic nervous system. That is the “rest and digest” component we so often hear about. That is the science of it.

But…how do we actually DO that?

Especially in a way that finally opens us up to a state of being where we can experience true “presence” and feel it in our hearts and in our soul?

How do we cut through the noise?

This is where I was missing the point. I was so busy trying to get my head and my emotions “aligned” so that I could “think” the things, and “manifest” my ideal life (I HATE that word, by the way: manifest.) I was all caught up in the “spirituality” part and completely ignoring the main problem. Which is that I’m here. In my physical body. Limited by physics, and simple biology at work.

No matter how much time we spend contemplating consciousness, purpose, or spirituality, we experience all of those things through a nervous system. Through breath. Through heartbeat. Through our senses.

We don't transcend the body to experience life—we experience life through it.

I felt stuck.

For me, that missing piece was the ability to find and maintain coherence.

In the sense I’m using the word in this discussion, coherence is the alignment of our thoughts and emotions with our bodily sensations and physiological state. (I’ve written another blog post that dives into the science of coherence here.)

Being in a coherent state helps make it easier to remain present. And while presence isn’t always synonymous with calm, when our nervous systems are relaxed, we can become more aware of the here and now. We’re able to process sensory information better.

In The Weight of Light series, there are times when Jon gently encourages Via to get out of her head, and anchor her body. Part of Via’s personal growth throughout the series is learning how to be mindful in the moment.

It’s not always easy.

But when we can be fully present, when we can center our awareness on an experience as it unfolds, we open ourselves to deeper connections, feelings of gratitude, or sometimes simply a clearer understanding of the experience. We might notice things we otherwise would have missed.

We’re simply more available for ourselves, and others.

In today’s world this is more important than ever because most of us have been guilty of not being present, at least on occasion.

When was the last time you spent an hour with someone you care about... and nobody checked their phone? What about when you go to a concert, and people are watching it through their phone screens, instead of simply appreciating the live moment as it unfolds?

How might being present influence the time you spend with others?

How might being present influence the time you spend alone?

Many of us feel disconnected from the things that matter most—our relationships with others, and our relationship with ourselves.

 How can we more intentionally engage with life?

For years I thought presence was something I had to think my way into. It turns out I first had to learn how to inhabit the body I'd been given.

I'm still learning.

I'd love to hear what has helped you become more present in your own life.